Up in Ontario

Paris Hilton's Memoirs

If you're not intimately tied into the publishing community or the entertainment news cycle, you may not have heard that Paris Hilton has signed a contract to write her memoirs. Well, that's not exactly correct. She's signed a contract to have her memoirs published.

But just this morning I read a report that publication of the book had hit a snag:

I recently had dinner with a friend of mine, who is a senior editor at Simon & Schuster. Her current project involves overseeing the production of the “memoirs” of Paris Hilton. The book is of course being ghost-written by someone else, not merely because Ms. Hilton can't write, but because she also can't read. She supposedly suffers from ADD. In keeping with their commitment to the disabled among the creative community, Simon & Schuster agreed as part of the deal to provide someone to read the final manuscript aloud to Ms. Hilton for her input and approval.

Several weeks ago my friend got a call from Ms. Hilton, who was distressed. It seems her affliction made it impossible for her to follow along with her life story as it was being read to her. My friend the editor asked what, if anything, would assist Paris in the job. Ms. Hilton then requested that the photo of herself that will be used on the cover of the book be overnighted to her, so that she could concentrate on it as her autobiography was cooed to her. This was done, and the mighty task of proofhearing was accomplished without another hitch.

One of the more insightful observations of the book is to be found in Ms. Hilton’s decision to forgo a full-time career as a fashion model. “I tried it a couple of times, but I didn't like it. The dressing area smelled too much like throw up.”

I asked why Ms. Hilton even bothers with such trivial money-making efforts, since by all accounts she is richer than Croesus. My friend replied with the straight face of one who had seen it all. “She likes to work.”

Paris Hilton may be the perfect foil of our time. Her life is satire. What parody is possible?