Up in Ontario

The Starbucks Test: My Idea!

I have a claim to make. Here it is.

Almost two years ago I wrote a post I called That Starbucks Feeling that contained my two Starbucks observations. The first isn't the issue here. But here's the second:

There is an almost perfectly indirect relationship between the complexity of someone's coffee order at Starbucks and how much power they feel they have in the world at the moment they make the order.

I am beginning to believe, with nothing but anecdotal evidence, that the great allure of Starbucks for so many is the implicit notion that we can make the barista do whatever we want with that espresso machine and paper cup. The more complex our order, the more we're exercising ourselves, our frustration, our sense of injustice that we're not more recognized in the world, our sense of entitlement.

Ergo, the downtrodden middle manager or office drone orders up the venti, no-whip, half decaf, extra shot, long, dry, non-fat, extra-hot latte, with a twist of lemon. (Nod to Steve Martin, L.A. Story)

Does this jive with your experience of the coffee-ordering process at Starbucks? The complexity of the ordering is vindication and motivation at once for those not receiving their rightful respect / love / money / fawning / etc.

Then tonight I came across (through a roundabout, interlinked path that incorporated the Joyent blog and Guy Kawasaki's review) a book called The No Asshole Rule by Bob Sutton.

As part of the No Assholes Rule book promotion Mr. Sutton has created The Starbucks Test.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

!

But the rip off and my indignant outrage don't end there!

Mr. Sutton mentions George Carlin as a mistaken origin for the idea, then says that Snopes' New Rules for 2006 attributes the idea to Bill Maher. Bill Maher! The crook!

Check the dates. I posted That Starbucks Feeling back in January 2005!

Lordy. Do the lies and rip off artists, the cons and sham smarties out there have an end? Is there no limit to the depths these people will stoop to?

I don't know. (shaking head)

I just don't know.

Buy my book.