Up in Ontario

Advice Sought on Cell Phones

Did you know I started a company? Yes, I did: Work Industries (site still in progress, or 'beta'). Now Work Industries needs a hot line. So I'm going to break down and get a cell phone.

Here's my dilemma: I need a new phone number (preferably a 604 area code), a device to go with it and a carrier. I've avoided owning a cell phone up to now because I couldn't care less about being reached and I couldn't make sense of the offerings from the big 3: Bell, Rogers and Telus.

My Requirements: I want a phone to send a receive calls. I don't want to browse the web from a 200 pixel screen. I may send 3 text messages in a month. The phone should be slim enough to fit in my pocket. I use a mac and don't want to maintain or enter 2 address books of contacts. I don't want to have to charge my phone every day. I don't want to think about service or how many minutes I have left this month or roaming charges.

So, any suggestions from your personal experiences, dear readers? I'm looking for advice on (1) the cell phone device and (2) which carrier to go with. Please.

Men's Shopping Magazine Shuttered

The Globe and Mail reports today that Conde Nast will cease publication of Cargo magazine.

In case you missed it, Cargo was their men's shopping magazine. Apparently shopping magazines were a big noise a few years ago. The concept boggles my mind - a magazine about shopping, what for? Isn't that a catalogue? - but Conde Nast's female-focused shopping magazine, Lucky, is going strong. (I suppose the fact that a shopping magazine boggles my mind may be indicative of why Cargo failed.)

I mention the failed magazine because I'd like to declare it as a victory against the commodification of masculinity. The metrosexual, despite breathless reports in the popular media, does not exist except as a parody. Men talk about the things they buy and think about buying things all the time. We just don't need a magazine to tell us what to lust after, how to buy it, what we need. We're doing fine, thanks, talking to each other. It's one of the few things we're safe talking about.

Up in Ontario Recommended in The Guardian

This morning the Raincoaster points me over to The Guardian where they are focusing on Canadian literature and asking readers to add their favourite Canadian books and authors.

...with one great leap the world literature tour crosses the ocean and heads for Canada. Beating off strong challenges from India and Japan, we are heading for the frozen north. With suggestions ranging from Sweden to St Lucia the nominations took an increasingly personal note, with Babak voting for the country of "Tom Stoppard" and a number of anti-Atwood protests. So much so that I'd like to declare an Atwood amnesty here and now - any and all of your Atwood suggestions will be gratefully received.

And don't forget to keep your nominations for next month's destination coming - after a month up by the Arctic circle would you all mind if I suggested a little sunshine? Unless there's anyone else who feels like heading for Stoppard country out there ...

Lo and behold! Almost all the way down the page, 'David' pipes up and mentions my novel, Up in Ontario. Well, shucks, I'm flattered. That's some fine company to be included in. Thank you, David. (I don't know you, do I, David?)

Here's David's full post of Canadian recommendations:

• Anything by David Adams Richards, but especially the masterly "Mercy Among the Children"
• Joan Barfoot - "Critical Injuries"
• Bonnie Burnard - "A Good House"
• Matt Cohen - "Elizabeth & After"
• Adrian Michael Kelly - "Down Sterling Road"
• David MacFarlane - "Summer Gone"
• Alistair MacLeod - "No Great Mischief"
• Rohinton Mistry - "A Fine Balance"
• Anything by Alice Munro
• Michael Redhill - "Martin Sloane"
• James Sherrett - "Up in Ontario"
• Mary Swan - "The Deep"
• Miriam Toews - "A Complicated Kindness"
• Jane Urquhart - "The Stone Carvers"
• Guy Vanderhaeghe - "The Englishman's Boy"
• MG Vassanji - "The In-between World of Vikram Lal"
• Thomas Wharton - "Salamander"
• Richard B. Wright - "Clara Callan"

Posted by David on March 24, 2006 01:21 PM.

A Review of Steriods in Baseball

The NY Times has an excellent review of Game of Shadows:

Drawing upon coded doping calendars kept by Victor Conte Jr., the head of Balco, and Greg Anderson, Mr. Bonds's trainer, the book gives the reader minutely detailed accounts of the drug regimens supposedly followed by athletes intent on beating the system, be it stringent Olympic tests or the far laxer rules of Major League Baseball (which began testing for steroids only in 2003). It traces the efforts of the United States Anti-Doping Agency to enforce Olympic anti-doping rules while examining the relationship of elite track-and-field athletes like the gold medalist Marion Jones with Balco. And it provides colorful portraits of Mr. Conte, a fast-talking, self-promoting former musician who reinvented himself as a steroids dealer, and the big-time athletes who bought his cynical proposition: "Cheat or lose."

According to Mr. Williams and Mr. Fainaru-Wada, Mr. Bonds (who has testified that he did not know what he was taking at the time) turned to steroids after watching Mr. McGwire shatter Roger Maris's home-run record in 1998. "Barry Bonds was astounded and aggrieved by the outpouring of hero worship for McGwire, a hitter whom he regarded as obviously inferior to himself," they write, adding that Mr. Bonds "had been around enough gyms to recognize that McGwire was a juicer."

With the help of Mr. Anderson and Mr. Conte, the authors contend, Mr. Bonds would go on to ingest an astonishing array of substances over the years, including Winstrol, Deca-Durabolin, human growth hormone, insulin, testosterone decanoate, trenbolone ("a steroid created to improve the muscle quality of beef cattle"), Clomid (usually prescribed to women for infertility) and "two undetectable steroids" known as The Clear and The Cream.

In short order, Mr. Bonds transformed his physique: by 2001, the authors write, he "looked like a WWE wrestler or a toy superhuman action figure." And he managed this transformation in his mid-30's, at an age when most players (like his father, Bobby) were gone from the game or in decline.

Will anyone ever look at the NFL and performance enhancing drugs, or am I dreaming in technicolour?

CBC Radio 3: Looking for Input

CBC Radio 3 is currently in the throes of what they're calling the CBC Radio 3 Summit. Basically it's an annual general meeting of all the folks involved, a come-to-Jesus session to chart the future course of the multimedia channel.

And they're looking for input from the public. In the past, we've made no secret of our enthusiasm for CBC Radio 3 podcasts, so no one should be surprised to find a comment from 'James' on their post.

Registration required to add a comment, but hey, it's worth it to have a say. Get over there to add to the conversation.

Read my Book, Go to Heaven

If only I could claim what the Turkmenistan president claims:

Generally, people are encouraged to read to better themselves but Turkmenistan's leader has suggested another motivation for reading his book: divine salvation.

Saparmurat Niyazov, president of the former Soviet republic, urged his country's youth to read his book Rukhnama, while speaking on state television Monday during a concert celebrating Naw Ruz (the Persian New Year).

"Anyone who reads the Rukhnama  three times will find spiritual wealth, will become more intelligent, will recognize the divine being and will go straight to heaven," Niyazov said, according to Agence France-Presse.

Niyazov said that while writing his two-volume philosophical and religious tome, he had called on God to reward enthusiastic readers.

Deemed a sacred text by the government, the book offers moral and spiritual guidance and is required reading for the country's students and government officials.

In 1990 Niyazov was elected president of Turkmenistan, which is nestled between Iran and Afghanistan. In late 1999, he was unanimously approved as "president for life" by the People's Council, a legislative body made up of elected and appointed delegates.

Also referred to as Turkmenbashi (or "leader of the Turkmen Peoples"), Niyazov has cultivated an interesting cult following among his people, after raising gold statues of himself and of his deceased parents at locations across the Central Asian country. Many local commercial items, from bottles of vodka to rugs, also bear his portrait.

Hmm. I wonder how much a gold statue of moi would be?

Stay tuned for the local commercial items. I'm serious, they're coming.

Watch Champions League: Barcelona vs. Chelsea, 1st Match

While we travelled through Greece and Turkey last fall, I developed a strong affection for football, or soccer, as we call it in the north of the new world. Walking through towns while a game was being played you could feel the timbre of the match, the momentum swings, calls, plays and goals just by listening to the people watching in their shops, cafes and bars. And of course, each shop, cafe or bar had a TV on playing the game. An incredible, shared social atmosphere surrounded the watching of each game.

At the same time I read Franklin Foer's How Soccer Explains the World: An unlikely theory of globalization, a Christmas present from my mom. Foer professes his undying love to one team and one team only: Barcelona. The Barcelona motto is El Barça és més que un club (Barça is more than a club). They represent more than a football team, they represent the dream of the catalan people. Wikipedia has an excellent summary of the history of Barca and the origins of its widespread appeal and loyalty, including its role as a hub of resistance to the fascist Franco government.

Barcelona were fantastic to watch and I found I could get behind that. Barca played like no other team. Their game flowed. They attacked with speed and grace. They took risks and trusted in the talent and skills of their players, not in the tactics of a system. It also didn't hurt that they boasted the most gifted player and playmaker in the world: Ronaldinho. The man does things with a football that other players have never considered. (Just listen to the English commentators as he scores against Chelsea (.wmv, half-way through).

But upon arriving back in the land of soccer, watching Barcelona matches became an exercise in frustration. They simply were not available on any channels except the specialty satellite channels subscribed to by bars. I tried to watch a few matches but found my enthusiasm wavering, especially as the huge UEFA Champions League showdown with Chelsea, the grudge match with the team that knocked Barca from the Champions League last year, approached. I wanted to watch but didn't want to hang out by myself in an obscure bar with strangers. I checked the listings of the local sports networks and found nothing, not even a mention of the game that would attract over 50 million viewers worldwide.

Then I discovered Google Video and the wonderful piracy of Barcelona vs. Chelsea, 1st match - the complete game, available in small size, wonderful resolution and complete illegality. I feel as if the place-shifting and time-shifting potential that the web promises has finally been, in a small way, explored. I'm still looking for the 2nd match. It hasn't appeared on Google Video yet. But when it does it will be my transatlantic window onto the beautiful game.

Our CanCon Weekend Plans

Tonight we're off to see 77 Minutes from the Ruckus Dance company at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver. Today's Globe and Mail BC edition has a preview of Ruckus and its Artistic Director, Brock Jellison.

"...but tap dance is not known for its narrative subtleties. And the story isn't really the point -- it's the energy that interests Jellison. Ruckus, he says, "hurts dancers. It's rough; every performance we do is hard and fast. And we die afterward."

The hyperbolic statement may have some truth to it, since there are almost no stops in 77 Minutes and when the dancers aren't on stage, they're panting on the bleachers, in plain view of the audience. Jellison says he wants the performance to be raw.

Tomorrow night, as part of the First Weekend Club, we're off to see Lucid, a Canadian film set in Winnipeg, with its director, Sean Garrity, presenting at the 7:50 screening. The Globe and Mail reviews Lucid and gives it 2.5 stars, a so-so rating. I'm looking forward to the story and the setting in Winnipeg and, to the north, Gimli.

Update: The Duck has posted a great review of 77 Minutes over at So Misguided.

The Commonwealth Games are On

I just finished watching a sprint cycling race at the Commonwealth Games, and Canadian Travis Smith of Calgary finished third to win a bronze medal.

Wow: The Commonwealth Games are on? From the coverage in the press around here, no one would have known it.

Wow x2: The top speed of the cyclists at the finish line was over 68 km/h!

(68 km/h!)

The fastest I've ever gone on a bike is about 60 km/h, and that was down a hill in the highest gear, squeezing the crossbar of the frame between my thighs to keep the bike stable. These guys are hammering it almost 70 km/h on the flats. Holy crapamoly.

Oh, and two aussies won, but they were probably hopped up on something.

If you do want to find coverage of the Commonwealth Games the best place I've found is the CBC amateur sports page, where you can read about Chantal Petitclerc carrying the flag in the opening ceremonies, the first disabled athlete to do so for Canada.

Malcolm Gladwell on Sports, Part 2

Part Two of the email interview between ESPN's Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell is available. Once again, go read. Is good.

Malcolm Gladwell on Sports

Today I came across an email interview between ESPN's Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell, eminent storyteller at the New Yorker, in bestselling books with catchy titles, chronicler of the measured, considered zeitgeist. Go, read it. Pasttimes and games never seemed more interesting in contemplation.

Rabbit, a Storyboarded Story by Run Wrake

Today I came across a vision of a tagged world. Tags are all the rage of course. In the parlance of the webby hive, they subvert hierarchies, they describe the world in their messy way, they democratize description, they create a folksonomy. Blah, blah, blah. It's hard to care about that kind of an abstraction for very long. When can I just write something, highlight some words, and assign them to be important to my photo, blog posts, etc?

So, technology frustrates. How about a simple story of a boy and a girl and a rabbit, told in pictures and words? Or is it such a simple story? Please, have a read through the storyboards of the story of Rabbit, by Run Wrake. What at first appears a simple child's story quickly develops into a deeper morality tale. I don't want to say too much about my own reaction to the story yet. I'd like to hear what you have to say, in the comments, please. Tomorrow, I'll tell you some of what I think.

Oh, and if you have Windows XP and Media Player 10 running on your machine, you can even watch Rabbit. Let me know how it goes.

Concert Announcement: Patrick Brealey & the Knives on March 9th

Back from an incredible 5 days skiing in Fernie, B.C. and look what lands in my inbox...

Hey everybody!   Well, it certainly has been a long time now hasn’t it? Never fear, I didn’t forget about you.   In exciting news, I have a Patrick Brealey & the Knives show to tell you about! The first one of 2006! What a hoot!

So, the show is happening at the Media Club (695 Cambie Street) on Thursday, March 9th. The club is right near the Queen Elizabeth Theatre, in case you didn’t know, and seeing as though there is a Canucks game that night you can head right to the Media Club after watching the game from your box seats at GM Place, right? Riiight.

Also for your listening and viewing enjoyment, two other fantastic bands are playing. Man, you are fortunate. First up will be Cameron Latimer. Playing solo, he has influences ranging from Gram Parsons to Wilco and the title of his upcoming album ‘Gin Train’, might give you a sense of what he’s all about. Next up will be a full band known as The Pokiok Falls. Female-fronted, they provide a moody landscape with melodies that will make your skin quake (it's a good thing), perfect for everyone’s moodiest day of the week, Thursday.

Patrick Brealey & the Knives will be playing last. Put on the fun pants. Doors are at 9pm.

In other news, the brand new Patrick Brealey & the Knives website is now live and sassy! Check it out! Let me know what you think. There is still some fine tuning to be done so if you see something that you think needs some tuning or detuning, please let me know.

Other than that, I hope to see you on Thursday, March 9th at the Media Club.

Stay sharp,
Patrick

Closed for Ski Days

For the next 5 days things here at Up in Ontario central will be quiet. We're closing up shop and heading for the hills. Ski hills, that is. Fernie, B.C.. Perhaps some more photos like this one to come.

Powder, ho!

Further GTI Spritzing

Alright, I know I'm playing right into their hands with this one, but after spritzing on about the GTI website, I'll extend my uneasy alliance with consumerism for a little playful lark.

Witness this latest trio of TV ads for the VW GTI. Please play them in order and watch the de-pimping. Then make sure to read through some of the comments. Now do you recognize the main actor?

“We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.”

Found via the fine folks of The Vancouverite.

The 39 Steps: A Primer on Story Writing

Over at the University of Southern Mississippi's Center for Writers they have a great post (that I believe is from Donald Barthelme) on The 39 Steps: A Primer on Story Writing. I like it, it makes for good basic guidelines.

The major problem I find in the article is a reliance on likening storytelling to filmmaking. They share very little in their construction. Storytelling relies almost always on the same structures as memory: first this happened, then this, then another. Digressions and asides occur, just as they do in conversations. The reader makes up much of the meaning of the story; the writer only providing guidance. In filmmaking, the camera prescribes the story. The story lives on the screen, not in the viewer, because the medium is rich and engrossing.

I know that the moment I start to direct my characters, as if they're mechanical constructs who exist to get the reader through a scene, I'm sunk. The writing has to have some grace or it loses energy, and writing that describes the visual dies on the page. So I think that Barthelme does a disservice to writers when he advises them to liken their craft to filmmaking. I think he misses the first step to story writing: write often. And then the second step: rewrite more often.

Writing well is hard work, you just have to do it to do it. Of course, preceding any writing, read what you aspire to write. That's all I know so far.